At this very moment you are climbing up into this big chair to sit close to me. You have your "scratchy night-night" folded just so and your lower lip tucked under your two front teeth. As much as I worry about that habit and want you to stop, I just can't enforce it. It tells me you are tired, or scared, or nervous, or worried. I know it brings you comfort and in your little world that is spinning so fast around you - you need that. You are holding a candy in your hand, walking around saying, "I want wunch (lunch)!" even though it's only 8:57am and you just finished breakfast. You're not hungry - you just wanna eat that candy and mommy told you not until after lunch.... You are still wearing your green Christmas footie pajamas, the ones with the snowman. When I see you in footies I think about how big you are and how you probably shouldn't be wearing them anymore. But then I wonder how you will stay warm when you kick your covers off at night and wake up so early in the morning to play with your trains. And I decide that no matter how big you may LOOK in your footies, you are still my little boy who feels so snuggly and warm when you cuddle up with me for story time each night. Your brown eyes know how to flirt and play and your blonde hair is irresistably touchable. I keep shaving it off for convenience sake, but it keeps growing back, begging me to run my fingers through it as you fall asleep while I sing Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children and Mommy Loves Her Little Jacob..... You are smart. You surprised all of us the other day when you lined up your precious trains and began to count them off: "yi, er, san, si, wo, liu...."! And then you randomly told me that a "shaozi" was a spoon. Soon you will surpass your mommy and daddy in language. You love your sister and always ask, "Where is Hannah?" if she is not around. When she is hurt or sad you run to find her George and "night-night" - you know they will ease the pain and sadness. You always call her "my best friend Hannah". I know one day that will change and I should get it on video while it's still true, but I pray that it will always stay deep in your heart.
Jacob, I don't know what God has planned for you. I have to trust that His plans are perfect and that He created you for a purpose. I have to trust that He holds you in the palm of His hand and that He loves you even MORE than I could possibly attempt to love you. I want you to follow Him. I want you to love Him. I want you to serve Him. I want you to be like your Daddy. I am blessed beyond words to be your mommy. When you were born I wondered if I could love another child like I loved our first. Amazingly enough God made a special place for you in my heart and filled it up with a love I could never explain. I love you, my boy.
