Don't blink...!

It occurred to me today, while standing in the kitchen whipping egg whites until they were "stiff but not dry", that this is my third Thanksgiving to be with child. While I should be thankful for that, it honestly made me a little annoyed. Why do the women always have to be the ones in the kitchen cooking up a storm for ONE meal?! AND Why do we as Americans slave all day, sometimes multiple days, to prepare and present a HUGE meal that no one could possibly entirely consume, only to be totally turned off by the multitude of leftovers at the end of the weekend?... Two answers: 1. because we want it done right, and 2. because that was the example set for us so long ago when those pilgrims prepared a meal of thanks to the Lord and shared it with their new indian friends. Awww, the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

You see, we live in a place where you actually have to choose to celebrate any given holiday. It doesn't just happen to you. In America you can't escape from it! The commercialism of Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and even President's Day is EVERYwhere. Go to the store to buy bread - you are immediately greeted with leaf and pumpkin shaped cookies. Go to Starbucks for your morning latte - would you like Pumpkin Spice or Gingerbread? Go to the movies, you know - to get away from it all. Your options include Merry Madagascar. Need to buy new shoes to run away your stress? Don't even think about going to the mall! You'll be greeted with eager and determined shoppers rushing aimlessly about to the joyous melodies of I'll Be Home For Christmas and Have a Holly Jolly Christmas. You pretty much can't forget that the holidays are here, or at least fast approaching.

Here, not so. As a matter of fact, I woke up this very morning and thought: when exactly is Thanksgiving anyways? To my surprise everyone on FB was already talking about their cooking plans. Had it not been for my FB connections I may have truly forgotten about Thanksgiving all together. I am not kidding. I think it would be so easy to completely choose not to (or just forget to) celebrate any given holiday! That kinda scares me.

You see, I have kids. And they KNOW Christmas happens EVERY year. If mommy and daddy forget about Christmas and they realize mid-Feb, guess who will be putting up the tree and making Christmas cookies while the rest of you are being bombarded with advertisements convincing you of the need for a day to tell the ones you love that you actually love them?

Of course I am being a bit facetious. We will NOT forget about Christmas. (I Promise) But we almost did forget about Thanksgiving. Needless to say my usual Thanksgiving traditions are being rewritten. This year there will be no "thankful tree". Or at least not one I made. We are actually celebrating with our friends and the lady of the house has already made a HUGE tree and pasted it on her front door. The only difference between hers and mine is that hers is made from felt and fabric. Mine is usually made from the largest stick like branch we can find in the yard (which we do not have), and hand cut construction paper leaves (which we also do not have). Since she is hosting I just didn't think it right to bring our "thankful tree" and show her up in her own house. Right?

For this joint meal I am contributing Cranberry Pinwheel Bread, Sweet and Sour Meatballs, Rosemary Potatoes and a Swiss Cake Roll (no, not that kind...) One of the joys of being pregnant this time of year is the ability/privilege to eat whatever and how much ever appeals to my ever growing belly. For that, I am thankful.

So, tomorrow is the day. I'm sure I won't forget for my tired body will remind me, even if the world around me does not.

Here we go!!!!

Official 4 weeks picture - taken the day after we found out. Well, two days after I officially found out....Basically, I'm just bloated....

See why I wasn't so sure about the positiveness of this asian test?! it's SO light! And at 6am it was VERY light, esp in the flouresence of my bathroom. I couldn't figure out if it was positive or if that line was already there to begin with.

You....

A few days ago I wrote a post about your sister. About a week or so ago I wrote one about your brother. Now it's your turn. The only problem is, I don't know anything about you. I didn't even know you existed until yesterday. As a matter of fact, you may have never existed in the first place had it not been for your daddy's wisdom and sensitivity to our Father's leading in his life. It didn't take long for my heart to open up to this idea and fully surrender to the possibility of you coming along. About 2 weeks later, there you were. And now, three tests later, we know about you.

At first I didn't tell your daddy :) I wasn't confident in the asian test I bought for about $0.45, especially since the line was so faint. I wanted to treasure this moment and ponder these things in my heart before I shared it with everyone else. My first response was complete shock! I've never gotten pregnant that fast, esp if we weren't exactly trying. Then I was overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled to my knees. It occurred to me that this was a blessing and a gift completely from Him. I immediately began to thank Him that His blessings and gifts do not depend on the status of our sinful hearts. They also don't depend on the actions of a righteous heart....We don't have to be "good" to have blessings, and blessings won't not be, just because we aren't "good". I think I am humbled so much by this gift of YOU, because I know the status of my own heart...

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love..."

...And if we are ALL honest, we would all admit that is the status of all of our hearts, at one time or another. And none of us deserve blessings of gifts, especially not the greatest gift of our Savior. That's why it's called grace....

Little one, right now the only evidence of your existence is three progressively darker lines on three different tests. However, I feel a few more evidences that others do not notice: My body is no longer my own! You have taken up residence and you are quickly making yourself comfortable. My head is spinning, my stomach is growling and queasy all at once, and I am oh.so.tired. This is the part of this whole experience I wasn't sure I wanted to do again. But now that I am here, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know that what is happening in me is going to make you strong and able to survive on the outside. Then you can make your own evidence of your existence by putting your mark on this world.

There are so many things I do not know. I don't know if you will be a boy or a girl; I don't know if you will like to be swaddled; I don't know if you will wait a full 9 months before your appearance; I don't know where we will put you in this apartment!; and I don't know how long our Father will allow us to have you in our care. That may sound weird, but your daddy and I have always recognized that each little one He's given us is only for a time and for His glory. We know that we are being entrusted with your life and with your heart for the purpose of glorifying Him. We take that seriously, and are again humbled that He would choose us for such an important job.

So many people are learning about you for the first time from this blog post. It won't be long before everyone who loves us begins to love you. And it won't be long before we experience that ever-amazing miracle of a parent's love being extended to yet another little blessing. As a matter of fact, I think it's starting already.

Sweet baby, I don't know much about you, but I know that you are being created for a purpose and for His glory. I know that He already knows you. I know that He already has plans for you. And that's enough for me.

"You knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be."

Hannah

About a week or so ago I wrote an entry about your little brother. I'm not sure why I wrote on him first...maybe because I knew writing about you would bring up all kinds of hidden emotions is this mother's heart.

Hannah - your name means "grace". Anyone who knows you knows that you are NOT graceful as far as your movements go. You love to climb, jump, swing, balance, and occasionally fall. Had we known what a gymnast you would turn out to be we might have aptly named you "Pocahontas" which means "a playful, frolicsome little girl". I'm glad we weren't privy to that information because I actually quite like the name "Hannah" and it's actual meaning, "favored one". You love to read the story of Hannah in the Good Book. God looks on her with favor and grants her desire for a son. I pray that as you grow and learn more about our Lord you will also feel confident enough to ask Him for your desires and He will grant them, with favor.

When I think about the fact that you are almost 6 years old, it just about blows me away. I remember when I was 6. I loved to read a little book called "Danny and the Dinosaur"... YOU read it to ME last night! Really?! When, and how, did you learn to read? I'm amazed at the contents of your little mind. I'm even more amazed at the contents of your little heart. You care about people. You are always asking me to help you pray for your friends who are sick or sad at school. You take care of your brother and get concerned if he stays too long on the elevator and the doors begin to close. I pray that your heart will always be soft towards others and the God will use that to lead you to His suffering people.

My favorite time of day is when you are all tucked in your bed and we have our "talk time". I hate to admit it, but there are nights that all I want to do is get you in bed so I can begin my long to-do list. But it's nights like those, when I actually SKIP this "talk-time", that I remember with regret that you will never be this particular age again.... 5 years, 10 months and 3 days old.... I've missed one night of your precious life just so I can move on with mine.

Forgive me, my princess, for not taking every sweet moment to savor your innocence, to reach into your heart and plant seeds of righteousness and thirst for godliness, to listen to your words as you rattle off the concerns and joys of your day. It's during this time that I learn of friends who are sick, silly 5 yr old quarrels at school, and fears I never knew you had. It's during this time that you told me once that you were going to wait until you were 11 years old to let Jesus into your heart because that's what Mommy did....

Speaking of wanting to be like Mommy....oh, honey. If you only knew the depths of this dark heart, you wouldn't say it. Your mommy is not all that and a bag of chips. I hope you can see that. I hope you will see that I mess up. And that God forgives. I hope you will see that we do not have to be perfect to be loved. You told me that you wanted to be a "mommy" for our fall festival tomorrow night. I think it is wonderful that you like my job so much that you want to dress up as a "mommy". I guess that says something.... but I pray everyday that you will want to be more like Jesus. I pray everyday that I will be more like Jesus, so that as you look at me and strive to be like me, you will in turn be looking like Him.

I feel privileged to have been given a daughter. Especially as a first child. You hold a special place in my heart and in our family. I have so much to share with you as you grow older: things to teach you, things to tell you, things to try with you! We are the only ladies in this house. I hope as you grow up we can always be friends yet maintain that precious mother-daughter bond.

Some things I love about you: I love it when you first wake up and walk into the family room rubbing your eyes and asking me if it's time to get up yet; I love it when you come up with some great new fantastic creative idea and you try and try and try to get little Jacob to go along with it; I love it when you ask me to read with you; I love it when you purposely tickle me just for attention; I love it when you look around a crowded room trying to find me and then your worried face turns to pure joy when you finally find your target; I love it when I sneak into your room late at night, crawl into your bed, wrap my arms around you and you moan and move all around until you get all snuggly again and drift off to sleep. That is the time when I lay you before my Father and sing this song:

"Give her one pure and holy passion. Give her one magnificent obsession. Give her one glorious ambition for her life: to know and follow hard after You. To know and follow hard after You, to grow as a disciple in Your Truth. This world is empty, pale, and poor compared to knowing You, my Lord. So lead her on and she will run after You. Oh, lead her on and she will run after You.

You are precious, treasured and favored in my sight. I love you, my princess.